What To Do When the World Is Falling Apart?
You don't have to choose between being a miserable cynic or a disembodied dreamer
Cynicism is more comfortable than perfectionistic dreaming for some people.
Those who are cynical are disembodied from their pain. They refuse to see that a better world is possible. Their pain rots into a stink that others can smell, but they cannot.
Those who are perfectionistic dreamers are disembodied also, just with a different flavor. They live in their ideal world – a sandcastle in the sky. The only problem is, you can’t eat sand. They’re constantly diappointed/frustrated/bitter/angry about the stench of the cynics.
*I was a disembodied dreamer from birth. I judged the cynics and blamed them for messing up the utopia that was just around the corner if they would get their shit straight.
Either way, for both the cynic and the perfectionist, their body feels the pain that they cannot hold in their awareness. These people may be sick because of it, but the real root of the pain is mostly absent from their waking consciousness.
It may squish out in a series of unfortunate bouts of rage or they may have a dark psychedelic trip, as did the Alaska Airlines pilot who tried to medicate his depression with mushrooms and ended up attempting to shut the engines on the plane down. Now, that’s an extreme example, but I point it out only to say – the cockroaches in your brain still live there even if you never open the cupboard door.
I say this not to scare anyone, but to help you understand what’s going on if such a thing happens to you. You’re not unlucky if such a thing occurs, you’re just being hit by a 2x4 to get your attention and give you the invitation to cross the valley so that you may master your gifts and step into your power.
*P.S. I don’t recommend treating serious mental health issues without supervision. Mushrooms are real medicine that help depression and anxiety because they go to the root of the pain. They are not at all trivial to work with.
Let’s back up for a moment – it’s only sort of true that either cynicism or perfectionism are more comfortable than the alternative. The valley I just mentioned is the valley of discomfort you must cross when you’re transitioning from co-dependence to sovereign interdependence. In that valley you will face the pain you’ve been avoiding.
The more beautiful world we know is possible… that isn’t quite here yet
Spiritual teacher Matt Kahn has a very inspirational message about how we can envision ourselves as having the capacity to be with the disembodied pain of others.
Let us aspire to expand the capacity of our hearts to a place where we can embrace, instead of push away, those who have been hurt and feel the need to protect themselves with the shields of narratives that separate us.
That’s a beautiful message, and I agree. However… You can only cleanly aspire to doing this if you're simultaneously capable of resisting the urge to do it anyway even when you don't have the capacity.
If you are in the valley finally feeling the pain you’ve spent all your life avoiding – you probably don’t have the ability to help anyone but yourself most of the time. This is normal. Don’t kill yourself trying to do so, or you will just extend how long it takes to make it across the valley.
It took me about five years, and that was way too long. I only made it because it had a hella large savings account and could afford to basically not work for long stretches. My people pleasing made me physically ill, exhausted, and miserable.
Had I known about how deeply I had been conditioned to people please, I could’ve crossed the valley of pain in less than a year. With my careful guidance, that’s what happened for my main client in 2023, so I know it’s possible if you have multiple highly-qualified practitioners supporting you.
In any case, it will take you as long as it will take. So, how then will you handle yourself during that time? It could be years that you’re in this state.
We are all (but women in particular) trained by Western culture to people please.
Pushing yourself to help another when your body and soul say no creates co-dependence. The cultural ideal of a good woman/man/citizen is having the capacity to give 24/7. (I do not mention trans here because until the youngest generations, there have been no cultural ideals for trans people in America. That is changing, but I’m not qualified to speak on how.)
I don’t know a single soul on the planet who has this capacity 24/7.
The most clear and wise people I know repeatedly stress the importance of setting healthy boundaries. We must face our anger and start setting boundaries where they really are, and we must not judge ourselves for needing boundaries. When we fail to do so, we go on another trip on the merry-go-round of co-dependence.
There comes a day when you finally surrender to whatever will happen when you get up the courage to step off. Yes, some people will be angry with you. However –
It's only once we've come into connection with our anger and boundaries that we can recuperate enough energy to have the capacity to hold loving space for people who have their shields up and swords pointed at us.
Here’s today’s message from my AI voice clone of Princess Di on women, peace, and having the wealth to feed all the world’s children.
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser