[intimacy] "I wouldn't even know where to begin."

It always begins like this...

Gentle reminder: our bi-weekly Relational Alchemy call is in two hours! Link to join at the bottom.

One of my clients does such a cute and funny thing. It’s VERY human. When I offer up the next edge he can push that will change his experience of his life, he nearly always replies in frustration “I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

art by author via Midjourney in the style of Dali

Usually days or even minutes later he not only has begun but he has done the thing.

It’s way too easy to not get started on The One Thing that changes everything about how your life feels to you. (You can catch that post on Tenacious Magic here if you missed it.)

At first, you just have to get intimate enough with yourself to witness the unusual feelings and sensations that arise when you do your The One Thing. To your mind, there’s no reason whatsoever to feel so odd and uncomfortable. Don’t get so distracted by this that you fail to notice that other parts of your being are EXCITED for the possibility space that’s opening up.

This is a good sign. → You’re having weird body sensations and emotions you can’t name.

This means you’re in brand new territory. Celebrate!

But first, to get there you have to start walking through the–good–kind–of–scary portals. Don’t worry, there are only two and a half steps to take.

Step 1: show up

Don’t worry about step 2 right now. Just show up. If you have to promise yourself that you’re just going to show up and not participate in any way other than your presence, well that’s just 100% fine and dandy. You might just have to meditate on how uncomfortable you are for the first 15 minutes for several days to unpack your fears enough to “properly begin.”

That’s fine. I highly recommend it.

After I’ve been away from making music for a while, the first day back usually sucks. My equipment isn’t plugged in correctly. Something that should make a sound isn’t making a sound or worse, a horrid buzzing is happening intermittently.

This is normal.

I put in my 15 minutes and called it good.

I declared victory!

Step 2: show up again

Gradually I worked my way back to 60 minutes per day. It took many days of 15-minute practices to get my system functional. Finally, I found flow again.

I declared victory!

Get ok with your The One Thing not catapulting you to peak experiences of happiness and fulfillment each day, especially in the beginning. It will not.

This is normal.

Those peaks do happen, but only when grace brings them. The more you chase them the more you’ll grind your axles into the mud. You can read more about that on the Grasping/Genius card in the Becoming Dragon deck.

Step 3: don’t worry about step 3 right now

Seriously, you can only do your The One Thing well.. one thing at a time. Step 3 will arrive later.

Just freaking show up and do step 1.

We’d love to welcome you to explore your edges of intimacy together with us.

Every two weeks we gather the humans who are a holy hell yes to finding our holy hell yeses (in a safe and consensual way, of course). We do a one-hour Relational Alchemy call where we engage in a kind of meditative practice where you speak from the heart of the present moment.

It’s just the right kind of scary-but-good. Lurkers are very welcome.

Every other Thursday
9am Pacific / noon Eastern US / 5pm London
Next one: today, June 8th

Free and open to all.